Week 1 | Wednesday | Romans 7

Sounds like: prisoner of war.

Paul explains our predicament of becoming a slave to the law, even though that magnifies our sin (but at least through that understanding WHAT sin is) whilst dealing with our mortal predication to sinful behaviour through the slavery of our brokenness to self-focussed, sinful desires.

And this all makes sense to me: if the above was a suitable description of a religion (and it may well be) then of course you'd wind up with a dry, depressing and ultimately self-critical notion of one's self.

But I think Paul is both building to something (and I know a little of Romans 8), but also building a persuasive argument to throw sharper focus on the truly Amazing grace given to us by God through Jesus.

But this isn't about me doing a commentary on Paul's writings:
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Today I'm reminded of the guilt and attitude of being constantly frustrated and annoyed at myself when I become legalistic. I'm definitely not one for a completely liberal approach to life, and faith; strict laws are very good for setting the default response in me before desires, attitudes and misleading context have a chance to tempt me to Do Something Stupid.

BUT to be obsessed with doing (and failing at) the things I "should" do promotes guilt in me. So I'm at an impasse; and I think the thing that holds me back is confidence.

Not confidence in myself: that would lead to self-centredness I think; but instead confidence in Christ. That He IS all the answer I need, that the Spirit will help me out in trouble, and that the 'good' I see in something tempting (but unhealthy for me) will be more than replaced with what Jesus has in store instead. Be it even going without and seeing how I grow from that.

Confidence, trust, belief.

That's OK, I can pray for more of those things; and I can choose to trust and believe more. And I can look to the good things that happen that help me build confidence.

I'm very, very thankful for my heritage of moral grounding. I'm thankful that I DO have a heart that pumps plenty of hot, red blood, even if sometimes that helps me get in to trouble. And I'm thankful that my heart is not so hard that I don't get guilty when I've done wrong: but something's been skewiff of late, and I have to believe that acknowledging it and working at it (even if I don't really know with any certainty what I'm working ON) is going to lead me closer.

So here I am.

Week 1 | Tuesday | Romans 6

So the one verse I have underlined in my bible from Romans 6 is the last: "23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."

And I remember when I underlined it: back when I was around 20-22, our street-wise, tough-talking youth leader-turned contemporary young adult semi-pastor did a sermon on (I guess) grace and forgiveness. He had a bunch of watermelons and a big sword and I think made the reference to sin being one or the other. You can guess what he did to one with the other in front of a room full of teens/young adults.

And my problem since then has always been giving sin to big a focus. I have a friend who has told me time and again that a fuller understanding of sin leads to a better appreciation of grace: and I can see that it can; but for me iit seems to just lead to a fuller understanding of sin. A bigger focus. Like it was looming at me from the side of my vision.

And verse 23 (above) reminds me of that: the good bit, the gift of God, was for a long time too unreal, too conceptual, too vapor-like to catch and hold on to.

Again, I think I've done myself no favours by underlining that verse only:

Rom. 6:8 Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. 9 For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him. 10 The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God.

There was an Ashley Judd film a few years ago called Double Jeopardy: her hubby framed her for murdering him and ran off with the insurance money; so then she escaped/got released and did indeed murder him. It very, very nicely explained the concept of the double jeopardy rule of law (once tried for a crime once, you can't be re-tried for the same crime); and in the same way helps me out here:

Jesus has been there and it's dealt with: death will not visit Him in the end (and here's the kicker) and so He is not controlled by it.

It's like I own a mansion and I've always known there are many rooms in it, some with great views. But now (and I guess, for the rest of my life) it's about visiting each of those rooms and sitting in an armchair by the window reading a book as the sun goes down to better understand the awesomeness of what I'm already in possession of. And start living like I know it.

Week 1 | Monday | Romans 5

Romans 5

The precursor to "so then, shall we sin to increase grace?"; I've not really devoted attention to Romans 5 before. It's classic Paul, in that I find it almost riddle-like, but unfolded into amazing revelation when I spent some time trying to interpret each sentence. I think I got there, but like so much of the new testament I think will probably only yield more goodness the more I think about it/live life/humble myself into looking at it fresh again.

Points of interest:
- v2 - we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God (the present glory isn't enough??!! - No - there's even more to come!)

- v3-4: suffering builds through to hope: leading to a stunning piece of text-
- v5 "and hope does not disappoint us..."
6 words to profoundly describe the human condition, and that in particular that I find myself in. You have to convince me to hope? How far I've come. I know there's more to this, but right here is a stunning insight into who and what I've somehow become. Too hardened by half.

No, Paul here is saying this hope we might dare to have is well-placed, God won't let me down. Even in that, the taint of human condition on the pure nature, or notion of hope is displayed: such that now we have good hope...and tragically, bad/misplaced/hopeless hope.
And we all know that: there are things I 'hope' in that I know are foolish: and yet, is it HOPE?

Could it be what I call hope is almost uncertain, but highly desired faith?
And the other things I 'hope' for (like a Richmond finals series) is actually the less-personally-desired 'wish'?

And that 'hope' in anything other than God is foolish? But I know God is good (and that doesn't mean He provides Ferraris), so it's a given, right? So then 'hope' is not really about "I desire this to happen and perhaps it won't", but something that instead begins to admit the undeservedness for what we hope?

And in this the rest of Romans 5 unfolded (and now that I've explored hope again some more, even more!)

Sin entered the world through one man, we ALL sinned, and so grace is required: Hope entered the world through grace, and through one man (JC) - but NOBODY didn't-sin, so effectively nobody Graced, and then hope becomes this utterly, utterly undeserved thing.

and finally, as though to Make It Very Obvious for us, "The law was added so that the trespass might increase" - not 'Moses gave us the law to MAKE us sin more' but instead 'no matter how well you live, it only becomes clearer that your salvation is out of your own reach'.

I identified last week that I needed busting down again, that I'd become too dry, too task-list in my faith; that the pure simplicity of my faith had been overgrown with process.

Do I go back to an immaturity in my faith? No, and I hope not as well. I rather like that I KNOW what does me harm better now, and that equally I KNOW I can overcome that, but I think perhaps I've been ignoring the God-given ability in me to be amazed at what God did for me through Jesus.

I decided a few months ago to let myself be seen crying in films/messages/worship if I felt the need: I think that was the spirit preparing me for today, or warning me of the things I was shutting down, or boarding up in my life. I need to unharden my heart.

Amazingly, Kelv had a new song on Sunday: "You made the way, you'll make the way"
I love it when God comes at me from like eight different directions at once.

Week 1 | Monday preface

Somehow when I need to, God provides: if I'm leading a study, have opportunity coming up to speak publicly about something - God provides a nugget for me in what I read the week prior.

I've come to rely on that, much as I love that, but realise that it's on-demand faith a bit: I've become arrogant.

I was going to try to extract little 5 minute talks out of this series; but now I think I'm just going to try to journal my thoughts: if something useful can be distilled later, fine; but I feel the need to do this now: and feel quietly confident that the next time I have opportunity to speak, God will provide....something....

Week 1 | Sunday

So, my mentoring boys and I decided this week I neeeded to document my daily conversations, revelations and understandings from God; my thought of course, and the intention is to
a: make sure I DO (daily)
b: extract out real meaning instead of "Jesus went to x and did y"
c: document and explore threads of truth and pertinence

My thinking is that if I work hard, I should be able to get a couple of 5 minute thought things down, we'll see.

At the moment I'm reading Romans, and we'll see if tomorrow I can make sense of something in there.

Right now I'm in the Qantas Club, by this time tomorrow I'll be in my guest house room in China; one thought per day, and we'll see how long I can keep going afterwards.

Ciao for now