polyresin-one

What do you pack for a retreat?

2007-07-13T12:24:00.000+10:00

Post Strengths-finder, Post Hillsong, Post Journey - Impact, I've got Some Things to Process, so after I do a trip to a local sporting venue with the Toba on Saturday morning, I'm going to handball him back to wifey, and take off for a few hours to meditate, pray, and wait.

Not the sort of thing I do all that often: what do YOU take when you do the time-away-with-my-thoughts-and-God thing?

I've got-
-bible
-notepad & pen
-melways
-tank of petrol
-water bottle
-iPod (specifically some worship music to set the mood, just in case)

bah

2006-12-24T07:06:00.000+11:00

She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.

Luke 2:7, and for me, says much about Why Christmas is Unreal.

From humble beginnings came the saviour of the world. A carpenter. Not a rich man, nor of sufficient physical note to warrant any kind of particular description in the gospel. Just a man. Born in a shed.

I love seeing the unlikely rise up, and I usually cry when we get to matters of destiny in films. Superman. Luke Skywalker. Anakin Skywalker. Frodo. Forest Gump. Because it doesn't make sense - why this guy? He's just a regular guy.

I'm reminded that without God, Jesus probably would have been of no historical note. But Jesus was the son of God and became an amazing human, but completely to remind us of who God is.

I get annoyed with myself for my failings. I get frustrated when I see opportunities slipping by because of my inadequacies. I'm small. But it's God who specialises in the big stuff.

Soon there are angels filling the sky singing not to powerbrokers, city squares or armies, but to Shepherds. Shepherds. The McDonald's workers, or office cleaners (no offence Burkie) of biblical times. Ordinary dudes seeing extraordinary things.

Throughout the bible it's there -
- God only swept by Moses (stuck in the dessert for years, saw a little sun) and he came down with a sunburn.
- Peter was a fisherman.
- David, Samuel and Joseph were boys.

Unremarkable people, but willing.

For me, this year, Christmas is all about God being God. What we cast aside as unremarkable He takes and uses to change the course of human history forever.

Sometimes I think I focus on Superman Jesus, and Christmas seems odd to celebrate him at his most non-god-like. But at Christmas (or April, whenever it was), God gave us a baby. An unremarkable, helpless, totally dependent baby. A willing baby who changed the world with the power of God.

Everything else comes back to Jesus: and Jesus points us to God.

Sometime later | Hebrews 4

2006-11-18T07:16:00.000+11:00

So after I finished Romans I nipped over to Hebrews, and I've been (slowly) working my way through that.
-----

Heb. 4:1
Therefore, since the promise of entering his rest still stands, let us be careful that none of you be found to have fallen short of it. 2 For we also have had the gospel preached to us, just as they did; but the message they heard was of no value to them, because those who heard did not combine it with faith.

-----

So we've just come out of another passage where the writer quotes from the Psalms a longer passage including what's repeated here in v1. And largely we're told not to fall short of "God's rest" for lack of belief.

But this verse spoke to me a little - the "they" is the exodus: if they didn't combine the same message with faith, but we need to some uh... pretty big faith!

Now they moaned and complained a lot: but they also lived in tents for 40 years: so from a human perspective some moaning is justified I think! But clearly not good enough.

But now I see again how sometimes (uh, all the time Matt, you're just a bit slow on the uptake) my standard-human-values-judgement just won't do: and I need God's wisdom to know how my values, attitudes and actions would best play out.

The weirdness continues when we find out this chapter is all about the sabbath! So you can't even earn it by works either.

Spirit, I need you more. Come and build in me the kind of faith, patience and wisdom you need; the kind that doesn't base reactions on perspective or position, but on truth: often veiled or hidden in human estimation, but near and intimate always to you.

poem corner

2006-10-18T09:23:00.000+10:00

The inspired work of Dr.S? via Think Christian;

THE SIMPLE MESSAGE
(with profound apologies to Dr. Suess)

By Steve Case

Way far away and a long time ago

Back in the past where no one can go

In a tiny small town of fishes and men

Was a crazy young rabbi who was at it again

He went out preaching

He went out teaching

And he never once stopped the constant beseeching

That people look out for each other with care

And stop all the griping about who’s here or there

He said he was Jesus

They said he was God

But there were those all around him

Who thought his behavior quite odd

The man ate with sinners

Taxmen and hookers

And He would call out to

The crowd of onlookers

I didn’t come for the healthy I came for the sick

They too are God’s children.

You don’t get to pick

And then he walked about town and saw the cold and the hunger

Old folks and young folks and some even younger

He’d stop and he’d feed

and heal up their souls

He touched the untouchable

Made the broken feel whole

He finally decided not to do this alone

He needed a team, a good cornerstone

And he gathered up those and called them disciples

They would be his examples

They would be his archetyples

He called Peter the rock

And Andrew his brother

James and then John in spite of their mother

He called Bart and then Phillip

He called Thomas and Thad

And Matthew who guarded the money they had

A zealot named Simon and another man named James

Finally Judas was added to the names

He called Mary, and Mary, and Martha her sister

Who all got less credit because of who wrote the scripture.

Jesus called them his friends and he made them his own

And sent them out to the world

Across desert and stone

To take folks the news

That God loves them so.

Heaven’s not about rules and who gets to go

But that God is here with them, right now and right here

They were God’s eyes, his hands, and his ears

He sent them out proud into a world that was cruel

To the nations they went without food, without fuel

Their message was clear.

God loves you. That’s all.

We’ve managed to take it pen and with scrall

And fill up volumes of rules of who can and can’t go

We’ve taken the message of long long ago

And squeeze it and press it and package it so

We can sell it and buy and fill up a store

Till it’s not even close to what it was before.

God’s simple message

Relayed by his son

God loves you.

That’s it.

That’s all.

We’re done.

Week 3 | Midweek | Mark 10:32

2006-10-11T23:18:00.000+10:00

I picked up an old Max Lucado book on the weekend from a box Jacqui's Dad had given us.
"And the Angels were silent" is a commentary taking launch from the platform of Jesus' last week.

Stunning insight in the first couple of chapters - I'm only 10 pages in I think- ; and I'm moved to relate to some of it.

Mark 10:32 is a remarkable verse:

They were on their way up to Jerusalem, with Jesus leading the way, and the disciples were astonished, while those who followed were afraid. Again he took the Twelve aside and told them what was going to happen to him.

Jesus was leading the way, with full knowledge of what was about to happen to him.

That is compelling reading.

-----

You see, I was going to start this post with the thought that got the lappy out tonight.

I've realised I'm not *that* good at my job.

I'm a fair designer, capable of brilliance at times. Capable of grinding out good, solid work. Fairly nice to work with, and generally good-natured, and good to be around.

But a series of events have again conspired to learn me the truth I continue to dodge: none of it really matters.

For sure, there's opportunity to relate at work, and it earns me money to allow me to have house and food.

But all my effort during the day simply makes a widget, a widget that is disputably better or worse than our competitors and will rust, and fade, and diminish, and cease.

Is this an Ecclesiastes moment? hmm, I don't think so, it's slightly different.

I think what I'm thinking about at the moment is on a global scale how truly worthless I am. I feel like a vandal throwing tiny pebbles against a cliff face. Just..unnoticable.

OK, so work's tough, bad luck Matt.

But it's more than that: it's understanding that some things will just BE, and whether or not I do a good, bad or otherwise job the end result is still going to be much the same.

My efforts don't feel futile; it's worse than that: they feel generic.

-----

Jesus KNEW what was coming in intimate detail, but still led the disciples to Jerusalem.
For John 3:16. For me. For everyone. All at once, but one by one.

In Him I find worth.

Starts out looking similar to the worth I keep believing in from work, and posessions, but that keeps reminding me of how futile, generic and small my contribution and accumulation is. And fleeting.

But in Christ, I find fulfilment, and overflow; more than I can imagine use for, or even begin to measure: and yet, just enough for what I need today.

A sense of not only of usefulness, but of inherent worth, and a scale that demands awe.

33 “We are going up to Jerusalem,” he said,“and the Son of Man will be betrayed to the chief priests and teachers of the law. They will condemn him to death and will hand him over to the Gentiles, 34 who will mock him and spit on him, flog him and kill him.

Three days later he will rise.”

Week 3 | Sunday - Romans 12

2006-10-08T08:41:00.000+10:00

Rom. 12:9 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10 Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. 11 Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13 Share with God’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

Love must be sincere.

How do you instruct someone in that?

Of course, it IS possible to learn love, and to practice it, and to grow, and be better at it. So then if you're better at it, then it follows that it will be more sincere?

Interesting: are the following instructions (hate what is evil and so on..) new instructions, or instructions on how to make love more sincere?

One of those funny things: "Love must be sincere" is such a huge ask: I know I can improve on the depth and integrity of the way I love...but it's LOVE - that's a big, big thing...

But then of course I can look more at how I think of others, I can be filled with joy and hope, changing by the way I choose to look at things.

It's tough to remember this though; and it's easy to revert back to that self-focus; so here's a thing to try to cling to, to drive something through; that Romans 8:27-29 thing comes back to me: my purpose is to be more Christ-like: Jesus loved with a sincerity that's never been matched in the living.

Draw me nearer Jesus

Week 3 | Saturday - Romans 12:1-2

2006-10-07T06:55:00.000+10:00

Two verses!

Well, it's pretty potent stuff.

Rom. 12:1 Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. 2 Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Again we get into the present-tense nature of the instruction here:
"Offer" and "renewing of your mind" are both on-going, continuous processes. Daily. Minute-to-minute.

Living sacrifices, holy and pleasing: in the OT, the Jewish people were specifically told not to offer second-class animals up for offering: lame, dirty, malnourished: those that were whole, and clean, and healthy were considered holy for sacrifice: God takes the brokenness out of us, but deserves the honour that a meaningful sacrifice brings.
And likewise for me; it's when I pursue God in my health that I honour and worship him best. Some translations have the word worship as service: Keeping both in mind reminds me that it's about Him. Not me.

Whenever I get to the gym after either a late night, or a night when I've had red wine after about 9pm, I just can't perform (such as I'm able to perform at any time!). I'm not in peak health, and I suffer for it.
In the same way, if my faith is only ever reaching out from the depths, how can I possibly hope to reach peak spiritual fitness?

I love this last line, and I needed to dig into a concordance or two to understand it properly, if only because the language is a little old-school, and I'm not THAT confident with English:

"then you will be able to test and approve of God's will.."

Literally meaning "to find and understand God's will" but to me there's a sense of it 'resonating right' with me that will come as I renew my mind more and more.

I want that! So here I am, before 7 on a Saturday morning doing Quiet Time - the boy woke up at 6 and needed a dummy, and once I'm awake there's no sleep; but I'm pretty alert first thing, so here I am.
Not for grandstanding, but encouragement for myself. There's lots of hope.

Ciao for now

5 minutes: Romans 8:28

2006-10-07T06:29:00.000+10:00

Rom. 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose

So, a couple of thoughts here:
- "God works.." - present tense, not God worked, fixed things, will fix, or hopes... but present, active, right now.
How does God work? - well, the immediate verses prior say:

Rom. 8:26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. 27 And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will.

So we've been given the spirit to intercede - to translate and transmit our thoughts to God - on our behalf: even in accordance with God's will. So when my language is lacking, or if I lack the insight to properly understand how I feel, there is the Spirit, talking with God on my behalf the true nature of my heart.

Let's go back to verse 28 - what's "for the good of those who love him"?
Well, again, the surrounding verses help (I've pulled a single verse from the middle of a disparate group of statements that surround a central theme Paul is building):

Rom. 8:29 For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.

Leave out the concept of pre-destination here for a tick; so many people get hung up on the attitude of whether predestination is cool or not: either way, if you're already a Christian it's fairly clear what God's hope for you is, and if you're not a Christian then the great commission kind of overrides whether or not you were 'chosen' (although, just to dip into it: where are the numbers? Perhaps God chose everyone.)

Anyway, God's desire for us is to become more and more like Jesus - the likeness of his son.

So, I have a purpose, an end goal that God's given me. He's interested in me getting there, and He's provided some tools to help me make my own way there.

I gave this as a thought prior to the offering last Sunday, and there's no reason to leave the giving part out here: Our God is a giving God. He provided the Holy Spirit to us - a very morsel of himself in us, being disappointed and displaced by sin in our lives; he daily comes in contact, most intimately, with the grit and stench of our sin; but He gave us the spirit willingly. Jesus told his disciples when he was preparing to leave that he was sending the counsellor - the spirit who guides us into knowing God's will for us.

God wants us to grow to know his will better, I believe, either SO we can make a decision for it; or BECAUSE we're already free to make our own decisions: either way, this is not the way it necessarily needed to be for God. Our free choice complicates things enormously for God, BUT it makes the term true worship probably a little more meaningful.

That we are to become like Christ involves giving as well; Jesus' ulitmate aim was to give up his life for us; but along the way he also gave his time, his heart, his wisdom and insight...

Giving talks are not about eliciting extra dollars in the offering that's about to happen. Well, I hope they never are. In my mind, and I believe in the mind of all at RS, it's a much longer term thing: a raising of awareness, and a provocation.

In that instance, I'm excited by the final thought: Christianity is all about giving. Yes, we're called to tithe our income (that's a whole separate discussion), but we're also called to give our love, our attention, our time, our heart, our support, our posessions...

Lord, let there be nothing I treasure too highly, or in the wrong way, to be willing to give away for your cause.

After all, you gave before I even knew.

Week 2 | Romans 9 & 10

2006-09-29T10:29:00.000+10:00

OK, spent some time processing and reprocessing these chapters; and yes, I was a bit slack and didn't do the daily thing quite so well, but here I am still.

These chapters deal a lot with the relationship between Jews and God.

The thing that always gets me about the Jewish people is how many chances God gave them. And I always get to the part (in any text) where you need to say "well, does this apply to me?" and not being a massive biblical scholar my answer is quite commonly "hey, I don't know - BUT the principal is ringing true for me..."

I heard on the radio this morning that they're planning this huge new wide-area-grid radio telescope, such that the actual effective size of the telescope dish will be some 1000 km. Amazing.
The guy this morning was very excited about it and was saying it will help them look 'back to the beginning of the universe" and figure out how things happened (I guess by measuring directions and rates, and extrapolating out how and where and when things started).

And of course (from my poorly-informed position (how ironic)) I'm wondering quite how accurate we can be given we're in the middle of this thing, we're at one point in time with only increasing technology and ever-more-questioned measurements from history to rub against; and one of the aims of the telescope is to discover more about "dark energy" which comprises some 70% of the energy in the universe. Might that affect our readings in some way?

Now, I mention this not for scientific discussion but as a concept of perspective, and understanding truth.
I've seen all kinds of things hamstrung by indecision, or a lack of certainty on the correct-ness of one's attitude. And I've seen people barrell off down the wrong path because they didn't consider things properly.

I guess in time I've come to rely on the spirit's prompting in me; sometimes I know it's actually just my will; and determining the difference between the two is something I'm gradually getting better at, but needs constant awareness.

SO - if my knowledge says "I don't know" but my heart says "hey, you know what, that makes sense, that FEELS right" then I'll do it.

So, Romans 9/10?

Don't be a prat. Interesting, considering the discussion I've just had with myself - don't rely only on your heart, because together mind, heart and action save you, none in isolation.

But the thing at the end of Romans 10:

Rom. 10:14 ¶ How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them?
Rom. 10:15 And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, “How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!”
Rom. 10:16 ¶ But not all the Israelites accepted the good news. For Isaiah says, “Lord, who has believed our message?”
Rom. 10:17 Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ.
Rom. 10:18 But I ask: Did they not hear? Of course they did: ¶ “Their voice has gone out into all the earth,
their words to the ends of the world.”
Rom. 10:19 Again I ask: Did Israel not understand? First, Moses says, ¶ “I will make you envious by those who are not a nation;
I will make you angry by a nation that has no understanding.”
Rom. 10:20 And Isaiah boldly says, ¶ “I was found by those who did not seek me;
I revealed myself to those who did not ask for me.”
Rom. 10:21 But concerning Israel he says,
“All day long I have held out my hands
to a disobedient and obstinate people.”

...I guess I read that as "from whatever your position, choose to believe"

That single line doesn't help me determine one doctrine's correctness against anothers, but I guess it sets the state of my heart to being open and ready.

---edit----

...and of course I've not mentioned the falibility of man in all of that; we get taken off course by bad teaching; our hearts are hardened and so on; so there can't be judgement from me to another, but still, I think there's a strong comment in here about attitude.

Week 1 | Saturday | Romans 8

2006-09-25T09:24:00.000+10:00

Present sufferings

Paul talks about creation groaning, and our 'present sufferings' being nothing compared with the glory we will find in Christ when we die.

On the way home there's a building near the ferry terminal that always gets me. It's a 2 story fibro + metal frame house which is little more than a portable you see on building sites; it's at the end of the (local) airport runway, and surrounded with truck depots, low level scrub and general dirt. There are trucks constantly banging by, and trucks in China are neither quiet, nor clean.

The people that live there have a house. Maybe it's a family to a room, but there's only 6 or maybe 8 rooms in the building. The dorms at our factory have 3-4 people per room, who are totally unrelated. The Chinese have accepted this is the way they live, and they don't complain. I doubt any of these workers will ever own property: I think they all pay board. Maybe the people in the fibro house own it, I don't know.

Is that 'accepted' behaviour so, and so different to mine, simply because it was learnt? I think so. I think we have an ability to accept our situation, and to fight against it in many cases is hopeless. How can a Chinese worker ever hope to have the kind of 'wealth' I have? It's aeons apart.

Two things here - faith is the great leveller - I'm of as much importance to God as a Chinese worker, which gives me hope and joy; and the second is this, (and a little more complex) - 'present sufferings' can mean everything, or nothing, depending on viewpoint and scale.

Paul of course talks about striving in faith, and human persecution from people who wanted to kill Christians.

I think suffering, like so many other terms, has been hijacked by capitalism to effectively mean 'lifestyle' - and in fact 'lifestyle' is a god of sorts for me.

Now that's dyed in the wool for me that I'm a westerner with a mortgage and a family, and that I can determine my financial level by the kind and amount of work I do - It's almost impossible to conceive how selling everything and going to live as a worker in a fibro box would benefit anyone, and certainly I don't want to do that:

But it makes me wonder about the notion of suffering: and by that - do I have any idea about the scope of this glory that Paul talks about - my impression is that as my suffering increases, the glory becomes exponentially greater: which makes me wonder if the biggest problem we have today is that everything's too easy.

I really don't think I understand the peril we're in.

Indeed, by fully understanding the depth, utter completeness and unfailing darkness of a sinful death - only as that increases does my understanding of the value of grace increase. And then when Paul writes

Rom. 8:37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

...and I begin to remember again what an amazing thing this faith I've got is. How precious and beautiful it is; how I need to treasure it.

I can't MAKE anyone else get this either. To help someone understand it I NEED God to be working on them so that when an opportunity arises there's something that clicks when we talk about hope, and life, and answers to dark questions - which means I need to pray. And I've been poor.

God, make me twisted and crunched up for my friends. Wind me up like a spring, be at my gut like a heart attack when I think of them going without you.

Week 1 | Thursday/Friday | Romans 8

2006-09-25T09:22:00.000+10:00

Not a spirit of fear

"Rom. 8:12 Therefore, brothers, we have an obligation—but it is not to the sinful nature, to live according to it. 13 For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live, 14 because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God.
15 For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.”

I feel it's important for me to remember that Paul ties that action of putting to death the sinful desires with the work of the spirit: in the past I've had times where I identified and tried to overcome behaviours and attitudes from a position of understanding and will, but that wound up with guilt and 'failure' - so then I'd go to see someone about guilt and so on.

I totally believe in psychology. Perhaps there are some things I'm just not supposed to understand.

Week 1 | Wednesday | Romans 7

2006-09-20T10:33:00.001+10:00

Sounds like: prisoner of war.

Paul explains our predicament of becoming a slave to the law, even though that magnifies our sin (but at least through that understanding WHAT sin is) whilst dealing with our mortal predication to sinful behaviour through the slavery of our brokenness to self-focussed, sinful desires.

And this all makes sense to me: if the above was a suitable description of a religion (and it may well be) then of course you'd wind up with a dry, depressing and ultimately self-critical notion of one's self.

But I think Paul is both building to something (and I know a little of Romans 8), but also building a persuasive argument to throw sharper focus on the truly Amazing grace given to us by God through Jesus.

But this isn't about me doing a commentary on Paul's writings:
---

Today I'm reminded of the guilt and attitude of being constantly frustrated and annoyed at myself when I become legalistic. I'm definitely not one for a completely liberal approach to life, and faith; strict laws are very good for setting the default response in me before desires, attitudes and misleading context have a chance to tempt me to Do Something Stupid.

BUT to be obsessed with doing (and failing at) the things I "should" do promotes guilt in me. So I'm at an impasse; and I think the thing that holds me back is confidence.

Not confidence in myself: that would lead to self-centredness I think; but instead confidence in Christ. That He IS all the answer I need, that the Spirit will help me out in trouble, and that the 'good' I see in something tempting (but unhealthy for me) will be more than replaced with what Jesus has in store instead. Be it even going without and seeing how I grow from that.

Confidence, trust, belief.

That's OK, I can pray for more of those things; and I can choose to trust and believe more. And I can look to the good things that happen that help me build confidence.

I'm very, very thankful for my heritage of moral grounding. I'm thankful that I DO have a heart that pumps plenty of hot, red blood, even if sometimes that helps me get in to trouble. And I'm thankful that my heart is not so hard that I don't get guilty when I've done wrong: but something's been skewiff of late, and I have to believe that acknowledging it and working at it (even if I don't really know with any certainty what I'm working ON) is going to lead me closer.

So here I am.

Week 1 | Tuesday | Romans 6

2006-09-19T09:03:00.000+10:00

So the one verse I have underlined in my bible from Romans 6 is the last: "23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."

And I remember when I underlined it: back when I was around 20-22, our street-wise, tough-talking youth leader-turned contemporary young adult semi-pastor did a sermon on (I guess) grace and forgiveness. He had a bunch of watermelons and a big sword and I think made the reference to sin being one or the other. You can guess what he did to one with the other in front of a room full of teens/young adults.

And my problem since then has always been giving sin to big a focus. I have a friend who has told me time and again that a fuller understanding of sin leads to a better appreciation of grace: and I can see that it can; but for me iit seems to just lead to a fuller understanding of sin. A bigger focus. Like it was looming at me from the side of my vision.

And verse 23 (above) reminds me of that: the good bit, the gift of God, was for a long time too unreal, too conceptual, too vapor-like to catch and hold on to.

Again, I think I've done myself no favours by underlining that verse only:

Rom. 6:8 Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. 9 For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him. 10 The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God.

There was an Ashley Judd film a few years ago called Double Jeopardy: her hubby framed her for murdering him and ran off with the insurance money; so then she escaped/got released and did indeed murder him. It very, very nicely explained the concept of the double jeopardy rule of law (once tried for a crime once, you can't be re-tried for the same crime); and in the same way helps me out here:

Jesus has been there and it's dealt with: death will not visit Him in the end (and here's the kicker) and so He is not controlled by it.

It's like I own a mansion and I've always known there are many rooms in it, some with great views. But now (and I guess, for the rest of my life) it's about visiting each of those rooms and sitting in an armchair by the window reading a book as the sun goes down to better understand the awesomeness of what I'm already in possession of. And start living like I know it.

Week 1 | Monday | Romans 5

2006-09-18T22:39:00.000+10:00

Romans 5

The precursor to "so then, shall we sin to increase grace?"; I've not really devoted attention to Romans 5 before. It's classic Paul, in that I find it almost riddle-like, but unfolded into amazing revelation when I spent some time trying to interpret each sentence. I think I got there, but like so much of the new testament I think will probably only yield more goodness the more I think about it/live life/humble myself into looking at it fresh again.

Points of interest:
- v2 - we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God (the present glory isn't enough??!! - No - there's even more to come!)

- v3-4: suffering builds through to hope: leading to a stunning piece of text-
- v5 "and hope does not disappoint us..."
6 words to profoundly describe the human condition, and that in particular that I find myself in. You have to convince me to hope? How far I've come. I know there's more to this, but right here is a stunning insight into who and what I've somehow become. Too hardened by half.

No, Paul here is saying this hope we might dare to have is well-placed, God won't let me down. Even in that, the taint of human condition on the pure nature, or notion of hope is displayed: such that now we have good hope...and tragically, bad/misplaced/hopeless hope.
And we all know that: there are things I 'hope' in that I know are foolish: and yet, is it HOPE?

Could it be what I call hope is almost uncertain, but highly desired faith?
And the other things I 'hope' for (like a Richmond finals series) is actually the less-personally-desired 'wish'?

And that 'hope' in anything other than God is foolish? But I know God is good (and that doesn't mean He provides Ferraris), so it's a given, right? So then 'hope' is not really about "I desire this to happen and perhaps it won't", but something that instead begins to admit the undeservedness for what we hope?

And in this the rest of Romans 5 unfolded (and now that I've explored hope again some more, even more!)

Sin entered the world through one man, we ALL sinned, and so grace is required: Hope entered the world through grace, and through one man (JC) - but NOBODY didn't-sin, so effectively nobody Graced, and then hope becomes this utterly, utterly undeserved thing.

and finally, as though to Make It Very Obvious for us, "The law was added so that the trespass might increase" - not 'Moses gave us the law to MAKE us sin more' but instead 'no matter how well you live, it only becomes clearer that your salvation is out of your own reach'.

I identified last week that I needed busting down again, that I'd become too dry, too task-list in my faith; that the pure simplicity of my faith had been overgrown with process.

Do I go back to an immaturity in my faith? No, and I hope not as well. I rather like that I KNOW what does me harm better now, and that equally I KNOW I can overcome that, but I think perhaps I've been ignoring the God-given ability in me to be amazed at what God did for me through Jesus.

I decided a few months ago to let myself be seen crying in films/messages/worship if I felt the need: I think that was the spirit preparing me for today, or warning me of the things I was shutting down, or boarding up in my life. I need to unharden my heart.

Amazingly, Kelv had a new song on Sunday: "You made the way, you'll make the way"
I love it when God comes at me from like eight different directions at once.

Week 1 | Monday preface

2006-09-18T22:38:00.000+10:00

Somehow when I need to, God provides: if I'm leading a study, have opportunity coming up to speak publicly about something - God provides a nugget for me in what I read the week prior.

I've come to rely on that, much as I love that, but realise that it's on-demand faith a bit: I've become arrogant.

I was going to try to extract little 5 minute talks out of this series; but now I think I'm just going to try to journal my thoughts: if something useful can be distilled later, fine; but I feel the need to do this now: and feel quietly confident that the next time I have opportunity to speak, God will provide....something....

Week 1 | Sunday

2006-09-17T22:16:00.000+10:00

So, my mentoring boys and I decided this week I neeeded to document my daily conversations, revelations and understandings from God; my thought of course, and the intention is to
a: make sure I DO (daily)
b: extract out real meaning instead of "Jesus went to x and did y"
c: document and explore threads of truth and pertinence

My thinking is that if I work hard, I should be able to get a couple of 5 minute thought things down, we'll see.

At the moment I'm reading Romans, and we'll see if tomorrow I can make sense of something in there.

Right now I'm in the Qantas Club, by this time tomorrow I'll be in my guest house room in China; one thought per day, and we'll see how long I can keep going afterwards.

Ciao for now